Travesty of the Highest Degree
by BreathtakingNoises
Summary: An aromantic, asexual girl wanders into the host club. Not surprisingly, she's not looking for romance. But how will Tamaki take it?


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"I'm sorry, it just - this isn't for me."

Flabbergasted, Tamaki pulled away until his hands were no longer cradling her and his lips weren't hovering just near hers. He busied his hands with the cup of coffee in front of him, and his face wore a deeply confused look.

"Akiko, I'm... sorry. I didn't mean to alarm you - this is entirely my fault - "

She reached out to his hands, a smile still on her face. How could she be smiling? Hadn't he nearly assaulted her?

"No, it's not your fault. I thought I wanted romance like this. And I'm sorry for making you my guinea pig. You can't knock it 'till you try it, right?"

If anything, this made Tamaki more confused. All girls wanted love and romance! He had never met a girl (except Haruhi, but he suspected that she just was avoiding him) that wouldn't fall into his arms, begging to be kissed. Even the ones who played hard to get eventually gave in. But no interest in the first place?

What, was she an alien?

Tamaki was still reeling from her last comment when a voice drifted in.

"Is everything okay?"

Tamaki grabbed onto Kyoya like a life ring - literally - and cried, "It's such a travesty! To have no interest in love or romance in the first place? How can one possibly live?"

Setting Tamaki back in his seat, Kyoya addressed Akiko. "Are you truly aromantic?"

The bluntness of his question startled her for a moment, as well as the obvious knowledge behind the term. Akiko caught herself in time to respond.

"I'm asexual as well. I came here to see what everyone was going on about. I thought that maybe it was because I just missed out on something, but - "

"No, that wouldn't be how sexuality works, hm?" He flashed a knowing smile. "Or rather, lack thereof."

Akiko blushed, staring down at the table. Tamaki was damaged beyond repair, but Kyoya could see an opportunity in this unique situation.

"I can still offer you a place here, Akiko. Tamaki doesn't really know how to function without love, but there is somebody who would be happy to talk to someone that isn't interested in romance. Have you met Haruhi?"

She looked back up at Kyoya, the fading redness still visible on her cheeks. "I have heard of him, yes, but not met him."

Tamaki was already going on about how much he needed Haruhi to himself, but he was easily ignored. Kyoya smiled again, much more gently this time. "If you would wait a few minutes, I can get him."

The faintest trace of a smile showed on her face. "Of course."

After Tamaki had left, sulking, and Haruhi arrived, Akiko brightened visibly.

Haruhi wasn't exactly sure what to think, though. Wasn't this Tamaki's new client? Kyoya hadn't really specified what Haruhi was supposed to do except be him(her)self. This would help her pay off the debt, but Haruhi wasn't sure if she could stand to work much longer after this - she was well and truly exhausted.

"It's nice to meet you. I'm Akiko."

Haruhi smiled politely, taking a seat. "You also, of course. Why are you here, Akiko?" She often found it was best to ask the customer what they wanted out of the appointment, rather than trying to figure it out or assuming incorrectly.

She gazed off into the distance, thinking for a moment. Slowly, her gaze returned to Haruhi. "A friend."

Well, that wasn't something she heard every day. Of course, many of the clients were lonely, but they usually turned to romance to fill the void instead of friendship. Haruhi was glad for the change.

A wide grin found it's way onto her face, her exhaustion suddenly forgotten. "Sounds like fun. What do you want to talk about?"

Akiko returned the grin. "What's your favorite book?"

Haruhi considered the question for a moment. "Well, I don't really have a favorite. There's so many, and I couldn't possibly choose..."

She half expected to hear a faint sigh, maybe a squeal, or some declaration of love - but Akiko nodded, taking a sip of coffee.

It suddenly struck Haruhi how she didn't look like she fit in the uniform of the high school; it was tailored to fit her perfectly, of course, but she didn't look completely comfortable in it.

Now that Haruhi was looking, she realized Akiko wasn't wearing makeup or any jewelry. Interesting.

Akiko spoke after a lengthy silence, probably lost in thought herself.

"I would have to agree. Although, it's rare to talk to somebody who has read more than what the English classes teach." Amusement twinkled in her eyes. "I don't blame them, though. They have much better things to do..."

They?

Haruhi hadn't realized she spoke out loud, for Akiko shrugged nonchalantly. "I don't have a family business to attend to, or a reputation to keep up. My brothers and sisters quarreled away all the inheritance and I took what I could get. It's enough to last me until I can get a job, but that's it. You're not the only one here with money problems, Haruhi."

That was a revelation. She had heard many of the students complain about their allowances of amounts a part-time job could pay in a year. These students with money troubles probably didn't have extra time to waste on the host club.

"How many siblings do you have?"

"Six. I'm the youngest, the unlucky seventh daughter. I heard you're an only child, right?"

"Yeah, I am. I just live with my dad since my mom died, but it's not too bad."

A look of unadulterated sadness crossed her face. "I'm sorry. Nobody deserves that much pain."

"You don't either, Akiko. It can't be avoided, though."

She sighed. "Yes, I would've figured. Pain and misfortune makes the world go 'round." Akiko sipped at the last of the coffee, and set the cup down carefully.

"Haruhi, what do you think of this place?"

"The school, you mean?" A nod. "Well, that's a good question…"

Akiko smiled. "You have a unique perspective on this place. I think most of this is normal, but this is what I grew up in."

Haruhi went through all the things she had seen at Ouran – everything that she thought was crazy, compared to everything they thought was crazy. The instant coffee, or the physical exams… On some level, everything was different. Everything except the people, really.

"I knew this wouldn't be a normal school, of course. But I think… I think that we're both ignorant of different things, you know? I don't know how to be rich. The rich don't know how to be poor. But people are people no matter where you go."

Akiko glanced at the clock. "I'm afraid I have to go. Thank you for this, Haruhi. You wouldn't mind if I schedule another time?"

"Come anytime you like, Akiko." She smiled. It was strangely nice to be able to talk without having to worry about making somebody happy.

Akiko left with a grin, and a slight wave. The doors of the huge music room closed softly behind her.

After she was gone, Haruhi went up to Kyoya and asked, "Why did Akiko not want Tamaki? He is, after all, the king…"

Kyoya shrugged, but his eyes spoke the truth. "You should be grateful, Haruhi – she signed up for three more appointments in the next few weeks."

"She told me she wanted a friend…"

He smiled ever so slightly. "Akiko lives knowing that one day she'll have to work very, very hard for the life she wants, and I would say it gives her wisdom. Iwouldn't blame her if she wanted somebody to talk to once in a while."

"Tamaki doesn't know how to just talk to somebody?"

He laughed. "No, apparently not. But you're not surprised, are you?"

Haruhi grinned. "I guess not."


End file.
